Friday, April 30, 2004

patches

I have a nicotine patch on. It feels wrong to be feeding myself nicotine without actually smoking but it says in the booklet that when you smoke you inhale over 4000 other tars, chemicals and toxins, so this is actually healthier. I have the biggest size patch cos i'm almost a pack-a-day smoker. The thing is like the size of the palm of my hand. so much for it being discreet!

a*c at 11:43 a.m.

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Thursday, April 29, 2004

reading list

i acquired four books for the trip:

-The Chinese in America by Iris Chang. I thought I should read more about my people.
-The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. In one of my favourite books (Shanghai Baby), the protagonist often mentions this novel and the author quotes Kundera. I thought I would check it out.
-One Man's Bible: A Novel- by Gao Xingjian. He is the first Chinese recipient of the Nobel Prize in Literature. This looked like a good novel about Chinese suffering; which seems to be a large part of being a good Chinese person...but that's another topic.
- A History of Mistresses by Elizabeth Abbott. I have her previous book, A History of Celibacy and gave it a skim reading. This one looks a little less academic and more mainstream. I will most likely leave this at home. I do not need to fuel my mother's imagination.

a*c at 4:39 p.m.

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playlist

Money to Burn- Richard Ashcroft
Songbird-Oasis
Fever-Starsailor
Simple Kind of Life- No Doubt
I Want it All- Queen

a*c at 2:42 p.m.

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the mystery of the disappearing poem

I'm not a big poem person, but sometimes the mood strikes me. I was looking for a poem this morning and I found a few rough drafts of it. I know I gave the finished work away but it's driving me crazy that I can't find the finished copy. It's so not like me to not copy one for myself as well. So far I've looked through 3 notebooks. I have no idea where else I would have a copy but I KNOW (!) i saved one for myself. GRrrr!!

yes. I'm totally procrastinating. I know I have an agenda today. if it really goes up to 24 degrees I might be persuaded to go out and run my errands. Possibly even in a skirt. A modest one. I'm in training for parental censorship.

a*c at 11:49 a.m.

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Wednesday, April 28, 2004

the unresolved clothing issue

The only reason I hate visitng my parents is because of the clothes issues. Clothing has been an issues since I began to dress myself. Althought it seems that my mother is enjoying my maturing style. There is still aways something wrong. The turtle neck is too tight, that's too short, that's too high, that makes you look like a cheap prostitute. First of all I would like to say that I have no clothes (that i wear in public) that make me look like a prostitute. Let alone a cheap one. Second, you think it would be understood that I am tall and normal people clothes won't fit me properly. My legs are long so pants will be short on me. It's not my fault that my ass crack comes out sometimes, the pants are too short! And usually when ppl lift their arms, their shirts ride up a bit. When you have as along a torso as I have your back or belly might show a little. But it's nothing obscene and nothing that i'm walking around attempting to flaunt. Especially when i'm hanging out with my mother! Oh and shirts. Every single one of my shirts seems to be a boobie shirt. I already bring only fairly 'safe' shirts, but when i move...oh my god you can see down your shirt! when i stretch...have some decency your breasts are going to bust out of your shirt. its a no win situation.

a*c at 4:48 p.m.

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spasms

I've had a bed since Saturday. In 5 days my back spasms have already returned. Yesterday I was getting ready to go out for my evening walk and when I bent over to pick up my purse I was frozen by the pain.

I still haven't started to pack. Albert's tank is still busted. I need to hit Great New Africa Bagel to pick up stuff for my dad. I still need reading material! Come to think of it, I don't even know where my suitcase is.

a*c at 10:59 a.m.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

playlist

Against All Odds- Phil Collins
Don't Worry- Appletons (Natalie and Nicole)
When the Sun Goes Down- Cassius
Blinded by the Light- Manfred Mann
Running- No Doubt

a*c at 5:29 a.m.

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Monday, April 26, 2004

grease fire!

Milla and I had planned on a quiet evening planned we rented a flick and were gonna fry up some fries. The first two batches of fries were fine. But the third decided to burst into flames. You know in grade school with you learn fire safety. Stop, drop, roll, what not to throw water on, how to put out electrical fires. None of that knowledge came into play.

M: Oh my God!
ac: oh my God!
M: what do we do?
ac: what do we do?
M: Oh my God!
ac: Oh my God!
M: what do we do?
ac: it's getting bigger. baking powder?
M: no soda
ac: soda or powder?
(meanwhile flames grow larger)
M: soda. do you have any?
ac: no. oh my god.
(ac and M running around screaming)
M: it's going to explode.
ac: here what about detergent?
M: that might work
ac: here

so we put the fire out with detergent, cleaned up and now we're making more fires..err...fries.

a*c at 11:17 p.m.

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reading material

I have 5 more days until I have to take my 1530450973 hour flight. my mother informs me that we actually fly to Taiwan and stop over there before we get on a plane to Bangkok. Thank god for my Juicy sweatsuit and for gravol. I went out today in search of reading material. Nothing really caught my eye. I need suggestions! I'll have my 10 magazines that I slowly discard along the way, but i need a good book.

a*c at 10:23 p.m.

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success

the taxes are done. i am having a cigarette to celebrate.

a*c at 12:41 p.m.

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Friday, April 23, 2004

what do you do when the other half of your pair has already decided that they want to be alone?

you pick up the pieces and start putting what's left back together. get up off the bathroom floor and stop crying. you start to collect stray cats and sign up for classes to improve yourself...like pottery and Turkish cooking. you go out with your friends and have fun. you do whatever you want, whenever you want. you go out dressed in whatever freak ass outfit you want cos, dammit, you're a spinster now and you can do whatever the hell you want.

you keep adoring them unconditionally even though you know they don't adore you. you don't claim to understand them but you accept them because you adore them. you believe in them because you know that if you feel so strongly about something that it has to mean something. you wish that you could hate them even though you know that its impossible. You imagine them and you suddenly feel like you're right at home where you belong.

you go on with life and realise that you're no different from anyone else out there. sometimes i think i'm worse off because i know that he is somehwere out there. But then everyone knows that there is that person somewhere out there in the universe. Most people don't even get the chance to meet them. At least I had it for a moment.

a*c at 4:24 p.m.

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mallrat

I grew up in the burbs behind a mall. If you jumped the fence of my backyard you would have been in the mall parking lot. I had to walk through the mall every day for the bus. I went to the mall when it was too cold to go hang out at the park. Needless to say, I am a mallrat. I further proved this yesterday when I wasted the entire afternoon away at the mall without spending a cent.

I went to hang out with the girls, C and the entity know as Fia. We amused ourselves with trying to throw items into garbage cans that were two floors down from us. The items were mostly plant pieces from the fake plant that we tore apart. Later on we decided to mess with our fellow mallrats and stand in random places in the mall and look up, in an attempt to make other people look up. Most sheep...er...ppl were curious enough to look. Okay so it was a lot more fun than it sounds. It was an interesting social experiment.

a*c at 10:59 a.m.

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Thursday, April 22, 2004

taxes

the tax software has been staring at me all day. we're having a staring contest. if he/she wins, my taxes will be in on time. if i win, i'll be a tax evader.

a*c at 2:27 p.m.

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old ppl and prego ladies

I saw a prego lady at the hospital today. I think she was in labour. I walked the long way around to go in another door cos I wanted to avoid her. She looked like she was in so much pain.

I think i'm turning into an old person. I've been going out for nightly walks around the block. I dragged C with me yesterday. We were like an old married couple. Last night we chatted, baked (muffins), made dinner, ate dinner watchting tv while sharing a comforter, and then went out for my old person walk. We came home and hung out with Milla and Boston and then went to bed.

C also braided my hair last night so I long wavy mermaid hair. I can't wait to get it permed in taiwan.

a*c at 12:20 p.m.

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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

top ten sentences i utter the most

1. I'm so hungerful.
2. I'm so full.
3. What's with people?
4. When is your birthday?
5. Fuckin' Leafs.(!)
6. That's so horrible!
7. That's so stupid.
8. I wonder what L***s is doing?
9. What's wrong with me?
10. What's wrong with you?

a*c at 4:30 p.m.

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still sleepless

i tried to lie down for a bit, but all i can hear is freaking birds chirping outside. i live downtown. there should be no birds that chirp here. only fat ass pigeons that don't make much noise.

a*c at 6:29 a.m.

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sleepless

I did an odd thing today. I had a nap. Now I can't sleep. I went for a walk to get cigs and i'm still not tired. Too bad dr. green doesn't make house calls this late. I want to sleep. i need to call a plumber and do my taxes tomorrow! Good thing I've got my boy Sam to keep me company. We Were Born in a Flame is my insomnia cd.

playlist

Gender Bombs- The Stills
I'm Still in Love- Sean Paul and Sasha
Brother Down- Sam Roberts
Feels like Home- Chantal Kreviazuk
Golden Years- David Bowie


a*c at 5:24 a.m.

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Monday, April 19, 2004

poem of the week

It might be easier
To fail with land in sight,
Than to gain my blue peninsula
To perish of delight

-Emily Dickinson

a*c at 4:55 p.m.

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step one?

Last night I slept in my bedroom for the first time since The Ordeal began. I know it sounds totally lame, but I was proud of myself when I woke up. I think it was a big step. I usually lie in bed for a while to wake up a bit, but without the tv to distract me things about Imaginary Friend started to swirl in my head. It's strange the little stupid things you remember when you're reminiscing. It's never the stuff that you'll think you'll remember. I had to pause and ask myself if I was just making this shit up or if it really actually happen. I'm not sure if i'll sleep in there again or pull the bed out into the living room. But it was a good try.

a*c at 1:21 p.m.

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Sunday, April 18, 2004

trashed

my house is trashed. there is no where to sleep where there is no trash. I don't know what to do now. I'd have to say that a party that produces this amount of trash would constitute a good party.

a*c at 5:50 a.m.

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Saturday, April 17, 2004

too clean?

My house is so clean. I've been cleaning all morning and it's so clean I don't feel right. It just seems off. And I can't find anything. It's like another dimension!

a*c at 3:49 p.m.

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Black Jack

When I was a kid apparently I could read Chinese. I used to read this graphic novel called Black Jack by Osamu Tezuka. He's the same guy who did Astro Boy. I have a couple Black Jack grahpic novels in English now, but only two of are widely available. Black Jack is "a brilliant doctor with a dark secret". I was re-reading them the other day cos Stella had got them from the library in Taiwan and she made me nostalgic. Black Jack is brilliant, and moral, and practical, and emotionally unavialible becos of his 'dark secret'. He has to practice medicine without a liscense becuase it was revoked. People don't like his unorthodox ways. As I was reading i realised that I adore Black Jack. a brilliant, misunderstood, rebel who is emotionally unavailible. He fits the bill perfectly.

a*c at 1:08 p.m.

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residence

I feel like i'm living in residence since my toilet is busted and I've been going to the recreation room toilets.

a*c at 10:40 a.m.

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Friday, April 16, 2004

lazy

I'm so lazy today. I don't know why.

I'm glad to see that Junky gave the small gathering in my home and my card reading abilities a thumbs up in her posts.

purchase of the week: The book, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. The DVD, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas Special Edition (with the illustrations from the book on it). Look I'm so lazy i'm not even going to give you links.

a*c at 2:54 p.m.

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mmmmm....cheesecake

I was the happiest woman on earth this morning when I woke up and realised that there was still a large chunck of cheesecake in the fridge.

a*c at 2:15 p.m.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2004

playlist

Story About a Girl-OLP
In This Life-Chantal Kreviazuk
The Only Living Boy In New York-Simon and Garfunkle
Your Revolution- Sarah Jones
Rebel Rebel- David Bowie

a*c at 4:53 p.m.

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damn

I broke the freaking toilet again. I was cleaning the kitchen and I found some soup that...well was no longer soup. So i took it to the bathroom to flush it. When I dumped the contents of the pot I heard a clunk, but the smell was so bad I flushed without investigating. A split second later I realised what that clunk was. One of those Chinese ceramic spoons. I'm always breaking those, so I recognized the noise. Now it's stuck in there somewhere, totally clogging the pipe.

a*c at 3:03 p.m.

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story time

I was hanging out with Milla and Boston last night and we didn't know what to do. Watch a movie? Watch TV? Listen to music? No this is what we did practically every night. Did we want to play a game? Scrabble and chess aren't the most popular board games. Some would even call them nerd games. But not me. What did people used to before tv? I don't know how we came up with the idea of telling stories. But that's what we ended up doing. We just sat and talked. I enjoyed it. We were just missing a bon fire and a pipe.

a*c at 1:32 p.m.

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sick

For almost a week now I've been insisting that i am not ill. I'm finally ready to accept that I am sick and it sucks.

I'm finally started to get a little excited for Thailand. I've found myself planning little outfits in my head. Apparently there are two seasons in Thailand, hot and very hot. I'm not looking forward to it for a few reasons. a)The last time I got together with my parents there was a big falling out. I don't want a round two. b)I don't like humidity. It drives me crazy. I can barely get through august in toronto. c)Not being near certain ppl will be difficult. Some are moving/going away and won't be here when I get back, others I know are around but I go nuts when I'm not sure where they are or know that the distance between us is greater than Toronto to North York. d) That my creatives juices might have dried up by then. Currently my novel is flowing forth from my fingers but there is no way I'll finish it in 2 weeks.

a*c at 1:02 a.m.

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

(Emily Dickinson) Poem of the Week

You cannot put a fire out;
A thing that can ignite
Can go, itself, without a fan
Upon the slowest night.

You cannot fold a flood
And put it in a drawer, --
Because the winds would find it out,
And tell your cedar floor.

-Emily

a*c at 1:36 p.m.

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early morning thoughts

i fell asleep really early last night, which resulted in me waking up at 7am. Who gets up at 7am for no reason? Seniors perhaps.

I saw Tanya Kim from eTalk daily on Queen West West over the weekend. She is so cute in person. I wanted to run out and tell her she looked really hot at the Juno's but I decided to refrain from being creepy. I watch etalk occasionally to support the Asian Sistas. Not many of us are on TV.

I was at Carol's blog and saw that she took a Sex and the City quiz. Since Carolyn has been introducing me to the show I thought I'd take the quiz to find out who I was:

60% Carrie
20% Samantha
20% Charlotte

Go take the test, tell me your score. It's short!

a*c at 10:43 a.m.

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Saturday, April 10, 2004

Are You Jamaican?

Someone just asked me if I was Jamaican. I am in spirit.

a*c at 1:15 p.m.

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intruder alert

4 a.m. So I'm just lying down to go to bed, when the phone rings. It's Samina. She has just left my house about 20 minutes earlier. I ask her what's wrong and she says that she thinks there is someone outside her door. We talk for about five minutes. Oh my gosh, there is someone outside her door? Just down the hallway from me! At 4am! Ek! Then she wants me to go out to see who it is. I can sneak up behind them. But she tells me, it might just be the newspaper. So I arm myself with my disconnected mobile phone, my keys (i locked my door because I didn't want the intruder to seek refuge in my suite) and the cordless phone, which I'm talking to Sami on. Slowly I creep down the hall and peek my head out. And it's the freaking news paper.

a*c at 5:15 a.m.

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Mmmm...turkey sandwich....

It was 10 to midnight and Tims was totally packed. By the time I got my turkey sandwich and got back home it was 12:03. I practically shoved the thing down my throat. Lent is over!

Purchase of the Week: British Sea Power's album, The Decline of British Sea Power. It's brit and it's good.

a*c at 1:22 a.m.

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Wednesday, April 07, 2004

mission complete

Some were shocked today when I decided to undertake the fixing of the toilet myself. But I did it. Got on the subway, went to Canadian Tire, bought the chain and flappy thing, walked around Yorkville for a while, came home and got my maintenance man to install it. Voila! A working toilet. Operation Toilet Chain had concluded.

Operation S.Y.A. is ahead of schedule. I've gone ahead and changed Stella's password. She'll never guess it in a million years.

I am impressed with my productivity.



a*c at 4:10 p.m.

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your mission of you choose to accept:

I have 2 things on the agenda today:

1) Operation Toilet Chain--i suppose this is self explanitory. i WILL fix my toilet today.
2) Operation Screw You Asshole-- Stella had turned to drastic measures and I've been enlisted to change the password of her hotmail account so that she can no longer access msn and talk to a certain someone. While I am doing this, she will be out 'losing' her cell phone so she can get another one, with a new number.

I shall report back in the evening.

a*c at 11:14 a.m.

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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

countdown

Midnight. Good Friday. I'll be eating meat. Plans are in motion.

I'm kind of pissed actually. This whole lent thing is just a trick to get us to change our habits. I wish I had caught on sooner. Here I thought I was doing something for Jesus. I'm actually just doing something good for myself. I was tricked!

a*c at 7:00 p.m.

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playlist

Blackout-British Sea Power
Here Without You- 3 Doors Down
Still In Love Song- The Stills
Face to Face- Daft Punk
Across the Universe- Fiona Apple

shit. apparently I just missed British Sea Power at the Horseshoe and The Stills show in two days is sold out.

a*c at 4:49 p.m.

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Monday, April 05, 2004

Dr. Phil

I was kind of pissed off cos I rarely watch TV...Oprah and Dr. Phil have been successfully phased out...and I turned on the TV to watch Simpsons but CBC was soooo fuzzy I couldn't watch it. So I changed to my only other channel and watch Dr. Phil for a few minutes...just while I was eating. He actually said something kind of interesting: There is no commitment without sacrifice.

That's a better quote of the week than the one below. Dr. Phil beat the Simpsons twice in one day. That is rare.

a*c at 7:44 p.m.

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Quote of the Week

"Is it noon already?"

Simpsons Bill Clinton says that in one of the halloween epis. I said that yesterday when I woke up. And today when I woke up. I'm seeing a trend.

a*c at 1:47 p.m.

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My little genius!

My little genius, Sam, cleaned up at the junos tonight! Yayness!

a*c at 1:06 a.m.

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Sunday, April 04, 2004

I'm a total perv!

I want to live in Ty's building!! They have so many other buildings to spy on! Not just work, but residential as well! I sat for quite a while with binoculars. But no one was doing anything except watchign tv!

a*c at 6:24 a.m.

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Saturday, April 03, 2004

field trip: debreifing

The field trip was full of great excitements and great dissapointments. Both of which I am quite equipped to handle. H&M kind of sucked, but how do you live up to the glory of the H&M in Paris...which was the one that I last visited. They had some cute, cheap accesories, but otherwise I found it slightly dissapointing. Then Adam and I went to go see the Johnny Depp movie, only to find out that it was Friday and that new releases had replaced it. The Rock movie wasn't quite as appealing as Johnny Depp, but that was ok. I had been reminded that Fairview has THE BEST foodcourt ever. It has all the fastfood places that everyone adores! So we gorged instead.

It was nostalgic seeing the store that I bought my prom dress in (so I was wrong, the last time I was in Fairview was '98), and I bought some food for Albert. Despite having the best foodcourt on earth, there was no shake place in the entire mall, so I was protein shakeless for the first time in several days. This is alright though since the countdown to Easter has begun. One more week until we introduce meat back into the diet.

I was falling asleep on the subway ride home so I got off at Bloor to transfer. The bay-bloor line always has those old skool old TTC trains with the orange and mustard interior. The subway map didn't even have the new Sheppard line on it. I found myself standing next to a midget who smelled exactly like Imaginary Friend. I crammed up so close to him. He didn't really seem to mind. It was rush hour anyways!

a*c at 1:30 p.m.

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Hostile Take Over

I think that when you reach a certain point your brain just shuts off certain parts so that you can fuction. It's like your body takes over and says, "I don't care how you feel mentally, you're not taking care of me. I need food and fresh air and I can't keep on losing all this fluid due to tears, I'm going to shut your brain off so that you can fuction like a normal (slightly zombie-like) human being!"

"shut up brain or i'll poke you with a q-tip"
-homer simpson

a*c at 12:44 p.m.

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Friday, April 02, 2004

field trip

I'm going up to Fairview mall today. The last time I was up at Fairview was in 1997 shopping for semiformal dresses. I can't think of any other reason I would have been up there since. But now there is an H&M that I must check out and apparently the subway takes you there. So I'm taking a field trip to investigate.

Purchase of the week: I've almost got the whole kitchen planned, the orange toaster, orange blender, and now orange fridge. I felt like I was playing The Sims, when I was checking out the Big Chill Fridge website.

a*c at 12:22 p.m.

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Thursday, April 01, 2004

speak chinese

I must have spoken more Chinese today than I have in the past three months. I was up and out of the house early today, so I ran into all the old Chinese people in my buildling. Mrs. Lee always asks me if i've turned 20 yet. Every time she has seen me in the past 5 years she asks if i'm 19 or 20. I would be flattered except for that she wears the thickest glasses I have ever seen (and she is probabaly slightly senile). She invited me up to see her new plants. I declined. Later when I came home Mr. Chao talked my ear off for ten minutes about the elections in Taiwan. When I got to the elevators I saw the cute old Chinese man who doesn't speak. Thank goodness! It hurt my brain to be speaking so much Chinese so early in the morning.

I tried to purchase cheap jeans today cos all my clothes are falling off of me. I tried on over 30 pairs and not one of them fit. Finally I caved and tried on a pair of $285 jeans, and of course those fit perfectly. I went home jeanless.

a*c at 3:47 p.m.

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